


spread over me like a luscious golden blanket

by LaBelleIzzy



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Developing Relationship, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Podfic Welcome, transformative arts welcome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-09
Updated: 2016-06-09
Packaged: 2018-07-14 02:25:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7148732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LaBelleIzzy/pseuds/LaBelleIzzy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if Jack had a weighted blanket for anxiety and has for years… not that it keeps him from freaking out but it’s part of his self care when he actually believes he deserves it… but then once he’s with Bitty he discovers how nice it is to have a warm friendly *body* squishing him down. Bitty is way better than a weighted blanket, because he’s so warm and relaxed, or squirming and sprawling and cuddling and sighing happily. Eventually it gets to where Jack only pulls out the weighted blanket when Bitty’s away and can’t get in contact and life is much more stressful than usual. </p><p>Bitty is Jack’s security blanket. Bitty loves it though he doesn’t realize how much he is the security blanket until he makes a surprise visit to Providence and Jack is sleeping with the weighted blanket on the couch.</p><p>Maybe Jack is ashamed of needing a weighted blanket. Maybe he’s never told Bitty that he has one and used to use it kind of a lot after his breakdown. But now he only uses it sometimes when things get stressful and he has trouble relaxing and falling asleep. He pulls it out of the cedar chest, drapes it over himself and just lies there trying to make his mind go blank.</p>
            </blockquote>





	spread over me like a luscious golden blanket

Jack’s never actually verbalized this to anyone but…

Usually? Jack thinks checking is actually FUN. 

He's well aware that other people, even other hockey players, might find that weird.

Slamming into other players at the rink during games, when he does checking practice, even drills: he feels like he’s inhabiting his body completely. He’s feeling his bones and muscles all the way out to his skin. The pressure and the density of bodies on his, the controlled collision of his own body into others, it all keeps him completely aware and embodied, and doesn’t let his anxiety get even a fingerhold, much less a foothold in his brain.

Stillness works in the opposite way for Jack. Stillness of the body means the mind starts racing. The busy-brain starts pulling out disasters, telling stories and lies and sometimes then his fear starts to spin the black spiral out of control.

***

When he started at Samwell, Jack met Shitty early on in the school year, and for whatever unknown reason, Shitty’s aggressively affectionate nature latched onto Jack’s grumpy solitude. Shitty started hugging Jack, surprise-tackling him, making up outrageous and ridiculous compliments for Jack, and snuggling with him. Jack didn’t know how to deal with this, he’d never met ANYONE remotely like Shitty before, much less someone pointing all that affectionate physicality specifically AT Jack.

His anxiety… the only way to describe it is that his anxiety got CONFUSED. His anxiety got confused by Shitty, lost its place in the Anxiety Script, and then would go away and pout for awhile. Jack didn’t know why it worked like that, but it did and he wasn’t going to refuse or turn down something that worked. Life was definitely better when he welcomed Shitty into his life, though he sometimes felt nearly as confused as his anxiety, what with B. Shitty Knight hug-tackling him at unexpected moments.

Jack discovers before too long that quiet also comes with Lardo sitting on his lap as they watch TV or sitting on his shoulders so she can see over crowds. Quiet comes when Shitty climbs him like a tree, or hangs off his back like a koala. And quiet comes with Ransom and Holster bookending him on the Godawful Ugly Couch, the three of them leaning back and forth, shoulder checking and elbow jabbing as they trash talk and play videogames together.

Later on, Jack discovers that quiet also comes in little moments he starts spending with Eric Bittle. Bittle’s knee pressed against his as they drink coffee and share stories at the tiny tables over at Annie’s. Bittle’s hip against his on the bench at the rink as they sit there listening to Coach before they hit the ice. Quiet even comes from the lightest accidental touch from Bittle’s hand, swinging or gesturing or poking at Jack’s arm as they talk and walk across campus. With Bittle, for some reason the contact doesn’t have to be very large. He feels grounded, calm, sometimes even happy.

It’s good.

Jack’s been so grateful for the quiet space in his brain that contact with his friends has afforded him. Laughing and joking and training together, spending most of the time he’s not in class with them. His people. This team. His first real team.

He may be singular but he isn’t alone. 

And he can feel it in his bones, most days. “We’ve got your back” is something LITERAL for Jack. 

***

After a while, Jack notices the difference in quality of the quieting, the grounding, with different friends. He still loves being surprised by having Shitty sling an arm over him, and Lardo’s hugs are soothing. Hip checks and back slaps from the other guys on the team make him smile and feel safe and included, and he still loves checking practice. Though... he thinks he probably won’t ever tell Bittle that. Well, at least not directly. 

Jack hadn’t realized, though he thinks he should have noticed awhile ago, how being around Bittle, Eric, he had started to brighten up too. Even when he’s alone, frequent contact with Eric’s warm sunny nature, his smiles and chirping, his baking and kitchen hip-checks, have changed Jack’s baseline. Jack realizes he feels warmer. Easier in his throat and chest. Calmer. And it’s a regular occurrence, like seeing Eric is regular.

He thinks back on the last year or so, and how even slight contact early on between him and Eric calmed his mind so much, let him focus and relax and be… happy. Happy? Yeah, actually.

The little touches, bad jokes and each of them teasing each other, his easy company… Jack finds he’s almost always turned towards Bitty, like Jack is a human sunflower. Which makes Bitty...

Huh. Bitty. BITTY.

He’s easy to love. 

Oh. OH.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are love. <3  
> Kudos feed the writing machine.
> 
> thank you Ngozi for creating this comic!
> 
> and you're welcome to come find me on tumblr and nerd out about these adorable kids. =)  
> come find my main blog at labelleizzy on tumblr and Dreamwidth, or my omgcp sideblog at makeshittyknightproud: I reblog fanart, fanfic, and meta.


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